so bored... going to work on mon instead. and i am suprised that so many agencies called me early the morning today... wth... where were they when i needed them badly? haizz... disturbed my sleep. havent been spending money on shopping. sadded... i need the therapy soOon...
♥2:32 PM..Love
went out with the poly gang yest... fun... choo offered to drive us home and she made it. haha... reached home and received a smu letter... thought what.. but actually nothing one.. haizz... but i don't know why, when i scared myself the first moment, it come to my mind that i dont wanna go uni anymore.. i dont noe why, but i feel that i am hanging to no where.. even if i took up acca, i doubt i can pass and grad from there... i suddenly don feel like studying anymore.. why like that...........

and my mum actually tot i got in smu. i felt so guilty. haizz.. where got so easy...

feeling lost. help... =(
♥4:21 PM..Love
went out with the poly gang on thurs... nice dinner. haha... swee choo lost her way while bringing me and yali home. hah.

not working already. mummy nagging started yesterday. shitty. must find job again. haizzz.... but i havent had enough fun yet... =(

why uni rejection letters not coming yet...

going out with the choir gang later... long time no see them le... cant wait..

i want go grad holiday also.... nv been on a plane before... boOo
♥9:29 AM..Love
celebrated my darling bday... been so busy until i got no time to buy his present and plan. so... last min shopping! hah. went down to book the basic theory but close application le... haizz.. then we went down to peninsula to buydarling's present. went to luther but he said no stock and asked me to go to davis... -_- very weird, think they are helping each other to earn money. i bought a small amp for him. =) so that he can bring to malaysia...



the big and the small one...



then after that went out with zhen and quek to go shopping! but in the end... its me who end up buying things. haizz... waste money again. gerard came down to fetch zhen home.. so sweet. hah. he is such a joker. luckily he treat zhen differently if not i dont think she can tahan. haha...

on sunday, went out with darling. trying to suprise him by telling him i never buy present for him. haha... then went walk around and watch the date movie. wah liao... waste money sia.... bull shit show. i hate it. worst show ever.

went to zara... saw something nice.. but cannot buy. haha... becoz..... too ex le... darling try on a shirt. fits him and looks so smart. how come look so different when he wear his presentation clothes ah? qi guai....

then... went to peninsula with him to see his fav guitar. can see can touch but cannot buy. =P then finally, i showed him the present, his reaction so cute one.. then i bluff him is something i made. wahahaha...very nice to bluff. haha... then ask him cannot open until i say so... haha... so he xin yang yang... haha..

then brought him to jack's place. haha... at first i bluffed him is at fish & co and he believed... -_-" then he went in he saw his parents there... he reaction still veri funny. haha... asked his parents along since they couldnt have a celebration with him on monday and not good to celebrate belated mah... planned with his mum long long ago.. haha.. actually.. not long lah.. fri onli... but i reserved the place on wed... had red wine and fire steak... my fav... haha.. then after food got cake... BUT.... they nv play music... so sad.. haizz... so disappointing... must make hm maru mah.. haizz... but in the end, me and his parents sing. haha.. then asked him to open present. dont noe he like or not.. haha...

then.... haizz.... his dad win me again... he paid for the dinner. never i would think of it... his dad had left his card at the counter when he first step into the restuarant. smart huh... haha... thanks! after dinner his dad drove me home... tired and straight to bed. at least my planning succeeded... by giving him and his parents pleasant memories..









♥9:08 PM..Love


hope ya enjoyed yourself... =)
♥12:00 AM..Love
finally gt time to blog... i dont feel like facing the pc since i everyday already stick my eyes on the pc le. been working since monday. BORING... ok, i dont mean office work is boring but is the environment. can u imagine yrself not speaking for 8.5 hours a day and five days a week??? hello??? i couldnt stand it and i everytime after work, i will definitely call up someone just to get my mouth to be unglue again. they work without any noise, no gossiping and wat so ever... omg......and for those who dont know where i have been working, or MIA for so long... i been working at a aero engine company. quite an establish company. but i wll be working only part time. cos i dont wanna work full time there. though the full time pay is attractive.everyday wake up earli to go work. haizz... for yr info, my workplace is near the changi prison hq. somewhere ulu. but nvm, as long as i get paid can le. i want go back to sch.... haizz....
♥11:36 AM..Love

♥3:30 PM..Love
home alone. sianzz...

i shall be totally independent for 9days... so many things to do... haizz..
♥8:37 PM..Love
On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal
car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies
insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I
carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy. I was a
strong and happy bridegroom.

This was the scene of ten years ago.

The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water:
we had a kid, I went into business and tried to make more
money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the
affections between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every
morning we left home together and got home almost at the
same time. Our kid was studying in a oarding school.

Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm
life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable
changes.

Dew came into my life.

It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew
hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her
stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her.

Dew said, You are the kind of man who best draws girls
eyeballs. Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we
just married, my wife said, Men like you, once successful,
will be very attractive to girls. Thinking of this, I became
somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife. But I
couldn t help doing so.

I moved Dew s hands aside and said, You go to select some
furniture, O.K.? I ve got something to do in the company.
Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised her to go
and see with her. At the moment, the idea of divorce became
clearer in my mind although it used to be something
impossible to me.

However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about
it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would
be deeply hurt. Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening
she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of
the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV
together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing
Dew's body. This was the means of my entertainment.

One day I said to her in a slight joking way, suppose we
divorce, what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds
without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was
something too far away from her. I couldn t imagine how she
would react once she got to know I was serious.

When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out.
Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic
eye and tried to hide something while talking with her. She
seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my
subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.

Once again, Dew said to me, He Ning, divorce her, O.K.?
Then we live together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate
any more.

When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. I ve
got something to tell you, I said.

She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in
her eyes. Suddenly I didn t know how to open my mouth. But
I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want to
divorce. I raised a serious topic calmly.

She didn t seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she
asked me softly, why? . I m serious. I avoided her
question. This so-called answer turned her angry. She threw away
the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!

At that night, we didn t talk to each other. She was
weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our
marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer,
because my heart had gone to Dew.

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement
which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30%
stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it
into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been
living ten years with me would become a stranger one day.
But I could not take back what I had said.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I
had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of
release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for
several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.

A late night, I came back home after entertaining my
clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fell asleep
fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned
over and was asleep again.

She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn t want
anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month s
time before divorce, and in the month s time we must live as
normal life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son
would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn t
want him to see our marriage was broken.

She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me,
He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal
room on the wedding day? This question suddenly brought back
all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, I
remember . You carried me in your arms , she continued, so, I
have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms
on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this
month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door
every morning.

I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days
and wished to end her marriage with a romantic form.

I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed
loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she
does, she has to face the result of divorce, she said
scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.

My wife and I hadn t had any body contact since my divorce
intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each
other as a stranger. So when I carried her out for the first
day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us,
daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a
sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to
the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She
closed her eyes and said softly, Let us start from today,
don t tell our son.
I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for bus, I drove to office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She
leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the
fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn t looked at
this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she
was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on
her face.

On the third day, she whispered to me, The outside garden
is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel
that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my
sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became
vaguer.

On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me
something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be
careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy
was even stronger.

I didn t tell Dew about this.

I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday
workout made me stronger. I said to her, It seems not
difficult to carry you now.

She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her
out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one.
Then she sighed, All my dresses have grown fatter. I
smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was
thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was
stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her
heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached
out a hand to touch her head.

Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it s time to carry mum
out. He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother
out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured
our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my
face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last
minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom,
through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded
my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as
if we came
back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made
me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly
move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, Actually
I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old.

I held her tightly and said, Both you and I didn t notice
that our life was lack of such intimacy.

I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I
was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I
walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, Sorry,
Dew, I won t divorce. I m serious.

She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead.
You got no fever. She said. I moved her hand off my head.
Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I won t
divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and
I didn t value the details of life, not because we didn t
love each other any more. Now I understand that since I
carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am
supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry
to you.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and
then slammed the door and burst into cry. I walked
downstairs and drove to the office.

When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a
bouquet for my wife which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked
me to write the greeting words on the card. I smiled and
wrote, I ll carry you out every morning until we are old.
♥8:00 PM..Love