haizz.. back to sch again. so boring. did i ever stop for a mid sem break?? whatever. but it is great to be with friends again ya? haha. anyway, life still the same,still rushing for projects and it is like the beginning of the new sem again. cant wait for next week. got a week off for new year! yesh! this is what motivate me now. haha..

anyway... bro (not tht idiotic one.. hahahaha...) gave me $50 to shop for new year clothes! hehe... great man. he is not working yet so $50 is better than nothing rite? at least i can buy a pair of shoes... better than my parents nv give me. hmph. heck lah..

wanna go 85 market. cravings again. shit man. hee... =P

♥4:10 PM..Love
something is wrong with me.
very... very.
i am scared of night time.
why?

there is high tide and low tide in life?
hah. then this shall be my lowest tide.
not till you are in my shoes.
not feeling guilty at all.

stressed.
HATRED.

♥9:31 PM..Love
totally exhausted.
unattached.
no courage at all.

♥10:48 PM..Love
got chased out yesterday cos i was trying to kill my bro using a knife. drama? hah. i also dunno why i will take the knife. but who cares, i am not at fault. is he who started first. ran out at 5pm. waited for shan to reach bedok at 7pm. i got no collection what i did from 5- 7pm. think i was stoning bah. was thinking of who can pei me till late night. but didnt wanna trouble ppl so in the end, slack in the lib till 9pm. closed. -_- first time i find that the lib closed too early. hah.

then called san.. tok from 9-11pm when my coins are finished. felt so bad that i have to wake her up early in the morning.. called her when the time there was 4/5am. =P but i am grateful that she did pick up my call. then went to buy a phone card at 7-11. called min, shan and san to conference until 12.30am. held on the payphone for so long. hah. from standing to squatting.

while chatting on the phone, i was wondering why my mum didnt call. obviously she didnt care about me AT ALL. so obvious she is bias. is my bro who started everything first and end up i was the one who got the blame. damn it. it is so unfair. i was going to spend my night at the void deck. but san persuade me to go home.. she nearly going to book a hotel room for me liao. felt so bad to let her worry so i went home. reached home at 1am. saw my idiotic bro ther who thinks that he is right. whatever. went to bath and off to sleep. and guess what? my mum is not at least worried and she is asleep soundly! what kind of mother is that. i didnt wrong her. it is obvious she didnt care. i shouldnt have go home. haiz.

argh.... bruises all over my arms. i will not go home when she is at home and when she is working i shall go home and sleep. hah.

♥1:52 PM..Love
-for you-

the day you went away...
filled with mixed feelings.
never have i felt so lonely.
and it became, my turning point.

and now,
its been years since you left.
and we did keep up to the promise we have made.
despite the difficulties that we encounter,
we are still with each other.

miss the times we spend together,
the times we really sat down and shared our thoughts.
not forgetting how we brickered with each other...
sometimes, when you called me
and share your problems with me...
i felt so helpless
and you seems to be so far far away.

nevertheless, your existence has never leave me.
you are always in my heart.
no words can describe how strong is our friendship.
just wanna let you know,
i never stop missing and luving you.
till we meet again...

-your gorilla-


♥1:43 AM..Love
i am back to blog! anyone miss me? o_O er... k lah, dont have.. lolz... i just changed my blogskin.. SO PINKISH!! surprise that i put it up?? haizz... cos i love the pic.. so..... no choice cos i dunno how to change the color.. but this skin wont be long! wahaha... anyway... 3am and i just started blogging.. haiz.

hMm.. should be counted as yesterday le. went out with zhen, quek and shan. cos celebrate shan's bday. belated liao. haha.. we went to kbox suntec to sing... yes.. i think i have been going to kbox too recently. haha.. and we gave shan a surprise! we ordered a cake there... (shan: touched?) haha... but heng ah, the cake not that big... cos only four of us there.

then after the singing session, we went to basement to find food. actually not hungry one.. then we kept walking and walking, from not hungry until hungry liao.. lolz... but anyway.. we decided to go marina square for long john one.. but the mos burger and long john all gone liao.. donno go where. how long i havent been there? hmmm....

no choice, we went to eat at the new food court, we broke liao. haha... it has a very nice scenery! can see the esplanade from there and nothing is blocking us. so nice... oh yah! we didnt buy anything for that shan cos she very fussy.. cant find a shirt that suit her. haha... so, we gave her angbao! lolz.. although it is not much.. but at least she can use the money to buy a shirt she wants. haha... how thoughtful.. -_-" haha...

then it was night liao. we went to esplanade and walk walk. as usual, got outdoor concert.. and guess what? we saw michelle chia, ben, and the few hong kong actors and actress. they filming the new show. i think is about food one. and we watched from the beginning to the end. haha... cos that shan and zhen lah.. bth, wanna see.. the hong kong guy very shuai leh.. no need to go style also handsome liao.. wOoo.. haha.. dunno his name.. actually they filming just one scene lor.. but they took quite long. they set up the lights and cameras, then kept NG. then i realised they filming for a part which only takes a few mins on tv. hmm... tedious huh... then the spot light very strong. strong until very hot and i take the merlion also very bright. hahaha...

then... we walked down to raffles place to take mrt and visited shan's workplace. saw the CBD area... finally went to the place where the tv always film one.. the two raffles place mrt station exit. still cant imagine me myself working there. i think i will stress to death.

my legs are in pain. helpPpp....

pictures taken.. actually still got a few more in my hp. but ex leh... never buy the cable.. hee..

featuring.... cHee HuI shAn! =P



the four of us...


shan and quek.


at the food court.


took for fun.


under the spotlight!



another day has passed..



♥3:01 AM..Love
oh my god... i just finished my interview. it was freaking scary! my tutor just kept asking and asking questions and i dont even have the time to think! and she asked me thrice 'do you have any questions?' omg lor..... i was so freaking nervous and my voice was so shaky.... haizz... hope i didnt mess up the whole thing! anyway, it is over... yesterday didnt eat well, didnt sleep well, didnt watch tv just because i was freaking nervous! argh... nvm.. i am just glad that everything was over.

♥1:48 PM..Love
yeah.. ally is right. nobody can understand me when i dont even know myself. i know i am a hard-to-please person. and i do have mood swings at most of the times which always irritates others. sorry guys, i just cant cover myself well. and i know my limits but i just ignore it. i know what i have to do but i tend to overlook it. i am not flawless and no one is.

i have been thinking for the past few weeks. it is time for me to give up choir. how long have i been singing? *thinking*... it is not a one day thing just by saying that i wanna give up something that i like for my life. if i dont cherish TP choir, i will have left once and for all. i just have to announce it like what kevin did and that is it. it is time to pass on to the new ones. i dont mind passing on to those who are keen to learn but i mind passing on to the arrogants.. but nah, it is none of my business. got one me or dont have me doesnt make a different. i am a bad sl anyway.

i dont mean to be negative. but as usual, actions speak louder then words. i dont wish to agitate anybody at this moment. this is not the right time to do so too. i shall not stress pat. i will do what i promise her and the committee. i will finish up until where i suppose to.

if this blog makes people angry, i am sorry.



♥10:11 PM..Love
nobody understands me... =(

♥10:56 AM..Love
haizz.. i just had a nightmare.. is really a nightmare.. i woke up perspiring, and near to tears.. i dreamt that i was taking a lift, and in there there was a black cat chopped up into three parts in a pool of blood. *gross* and another cat was alive, it 'pulled' me to carry the dead cat out..... and i donno why the lift door never opens... but eventually when it open, i saw a man with his hand and leg gone~.... haizz... so scary... and the dream is so f*cking real... and it ended here as i jumped up from my sleep.. and i cant get back to sleep.. haizz.. donno what is wrong with me thinking of chopping... bad start of the day man..

no sch today but i have to wait until 5pm to take a test back in sch.. cant wait for today to end man..



♥8:08 AM..Love
haizz... changed hp liao but cannot save birthdays into my phone! argh.. so if i ever forget your bday, i am so sorry k.. my brain memory space is almost full liao... haizz... yup, and i nearly forget today is jeff's bday... jialat... i dont wish to miss out anyone... haizz... so friends, if possible, drop me a reminder lah.. hahaha....

hmm.... so stressed up with that comm skills. and next two weeks is mid sem le. so sianzz.. and i dont seems to know what i am learning. the pace is too fast.. haizz.. k lah.... actually.. finding excuses.. and tomorrow going for dinner.. not going for choir... so sorry guys! see you all after mid sem.. =)

was discussing about my future with yali and swee choo just now. haizz.. i don't know... everything seems to be impossible for me. unable to get into any path. i am still hanging on and walk one step see one step.

oh.. i have postpone my meeting with him. due to some reasons. so... sorry to disappoint zhen, quek and san... haizz.. anyway... watch out for more news! =p


♥8:07 PM..Love
read nerissa's blog... haizz.. life can really be so sad. we always wish for something, but the result is somehow what we don't always wanna get. so sometimes, it is really just 'live everyday like that'.. i dont ask for more, just give me peace everyday.

2005, i don't know, uncertainty. is it going to be a gd year?

i wanna something. but i dont wanna force it to come...

♥11:16 AM..Love